The Death of Arsenal FC

Foooooook me. 8 bloody 2. One of the worst performances I have ever seen my beloved team play in. Humiliation of the highest order. Everything, just everything fell apart. But what positives can we take from such a torrid game?

Not much, that’s for sure. We only gave one penalty away, i guess that’s a plus. As Piers Morgan so gracefully put it, Jenkinson’s stupid red card means we don’t have to see him for at least three games. We have Frimpong back next game, a very good thing seeing as though I didn’t even realise Francis COCKuelin was on the pitch. Gibbs may recover soon, because Traore, putting it simply, is shit.  Vermealen will be back to take over from that donkey that goes by the name of Johan Djourou, and who knows, Gary Cahill may be an Arsenal game by the time we face Swansea.

Half donkey, half man.

Now let’s look at the negatives, and I can assure you, this part is going to be a lot longer than the last. I’ll start with our defense. The same centre back pairing that played in Arsenal’s 1-0 win of Manchester United last season, the same centre back partnership that played in Arsenal’s 2-1 win Uefalona. Yeah, I’m talking about half donkey half man Johan Djourou and his accomplice Laurent Koscielny.  Djourou is one clumsy defender... doesn’t know where to keep his hands and likes to run in to people… Jenkinson done quit a good impession of him, actually. Djourou really does let Kos down though, because I think Kos is a good player. Him and Vermaelen impress me when they play together. So don’t expect me pick out the faults in his performance because I like him too much. On to the full backs, who really did let the team down today. I’m not going to go on about signings, because I believe that Sagna (obviously) and Gibbs (just about) are good on our flanks. But fuck me, we have absolutely no depth in those positions. I hear the fans loud and clear when they tell me “Jenkinson is one for the future” and that he’s “been thrown in at the deep end”, but you have to question the boss; did he really believe that Jenkinson could be a good back up to Sagna, assuming he knew that Eboue would depart? I really can’t believe that, somehow. It’s quite amazing that both of his yellow cards were for exactly the same thing.. surely, as a young, improving player, you would not make the same mistake twice? If I was the Arsenal captain, I would just a few words for him. These words would be, “you silly, silly BOY.” Now on to Traore. Now this guy is, in my opinion, not good enough to wear our red and white colours (or light and dark blue, in this case.) He is just terrible; he has no positional awareness, and was a complete liability today. Defensive rant over.

A debut to remember... but for all the
wrong reasons.

Midfield; be prepared. Actually, I’m not going to say much about the midfield. Coquelin’s performance was okay, I suppose, for a young player playing with tremendous pressure in his first Premier League performance. Ramsey is not Cesc, silly Gooners. He never has been, he never will be. He is Aaron, and remember, he is a young man still recovering from his injury, and any abuse toards him is unjustified. Rosicky has impressed me recently, and impressed me again today, as surprising as that might sound. He is the sort of player we need, he doesn’t give up, chases lost causes, tackles and sets up attacks. So yeah, midfield, don’t worry, you weren’t to blame.

Mr £16 million European Championship’s most impressive player, once again, played like a twat. His yellow card could have so easily been a red, and he could also have got another yellow or straight red again after a challenge on Phil Jones.  Robin Van Persie, our captain, couldn’t really do much today given the lack of possession, but the least he could have done is convert the penalty. Terrible attempt. Theo Walcott didn’t get in to the game also because of the lack of possession, and his goal shouldn’t have been allowed to go in, but hey, that’s David De Gea for you.

You might be able to tell, I got bored towards the end of this article. I don’t want to reminisce, becaue it was a shit performance and a dreadful result.

However, I titled this article ‘The Death of Arsenal FC’, as I have the confidence we can mount a resurrection.

Please, please, please keep the faith.

By Craig Player

Follow him on Twitter - @c_player42